dark and stormy night

i am thinking about where i could go, live, visit, be that will include and allow me the opportunity, the freedom to ride my bicycle alone at night. I would so be out there right now if it wasn't so damned scary. I know lots of women who do it- i can't- not worth the contraction to my skin and soul fibres.

I think I will have to go to Tahoe or Amsterdam or New Orleans. Scratch that, reverse it- there will be no alone bike night riding and now i am super duper bummed because my night rider buddy is on ice. reason number 172,893 that it sucks to be a woman in the bay area. i don't live in an urban well lit or populated area where being a target might be less of an issue- i would have no problem riding through San Francisco- is that dumb? i don't know why, it's just different.

this really pisses me off. that there are activities that would make my life richer are not available to me without having a boy in-tow. Boys are great and I love having them around a lot- my favorites to share with BUT sometimes I am better with some adventures alone to bring to the table.

why was it okay to ride my bike in New Orleans? i didn't do it much, not after dark anyway. not in the Garden District or really downtown either. in Mid-City it wasn't such a concern- and hell in the neighborhood where i grew up- no dice babe, my brother had more bikes stolen- everytime while he was riding- than i think either of us can remember.

i think it is such a crock of shit that i have not felt safe in most of the places i have lived. no matter where it has been there has been the look over your shoulder some stupid ass man could be coming up on you with an alterior motive. it's this shit that makes me want to move to Denmark. (My Ice friends will have my yankee ass for that comment i promise) Probably the safest i ever felt was in Reykjavik- i won't ever forget being stumbling drunk all by myself in the cemetary behind my friend's flat-- some under 18 punk in black wool pulls a butter knife on me and mumbles some disgruntled words that resembled backward audio projection to my ears-- like he was gonna rob me. i grabbed it out his hand an scolded him. i saw in teh bar later that night too. you collide with everyone twice in a calendar day in Iceland, i guarantee it. the had a female prime minister in the early 90's.

nobody who isn't going full retard uses the n-word, fag has been out for awhile and even gay is only enjoying a resurgence in the peter pan comedy set absolutely because it is accepted as wrong. but nobody sees anything wrong with a woman being a bitch. damn it- seems like the countdown to a female president here really is about 150+ years off.

i'm not rough and tumble feminist who renders men obsolete- oh hells yes we are all built different- we bring different chemicals to the formula. i simply abhor the rub in the face that my upbringing bandies about when something really would be easier if i had a god damned man around to help me. why can't we all just get along? or at least me and whoever you are... i don't NEED man per se, but i sure would like one...