space

i am the luckiest girl in the world. i don't always have the best memory- that is i do not always remember and call on the experience of my blessings. but sometimes it's just about feeling it and taking that with you too, whatever it is.

today i am lucky because i am taking advantage of the space i have to write and create and organize. it hasn't always been like this. the evolution has included help from friends, especially one friend who has been strident in reminding me of my mission- I WIN. He also loaned me the machine i am working on. that's right friends and neighbors- i've gone to the bright side and now i use a MAC! but i digress...

in reading a book on A WRITER'S SPACE (i am a creative self-help junkie) this blog entry was to be devoted to how i assess, improve and/or create my work space. my church- where i 'pray poetry and praise prose' (thank you Dr. Eric Maisel) - where i report everyday to diligently apply bum glue that keeps me in my seat so the muses know where to find and infect my psyche with the goods that will eventually get me out of the rabbit holes i incessantly meander about in passive aggressive avoidance of my calling. keeping an unhealthy distance from the words and the messages and sometimes if i'm really honest- my own sanity.

so here is my first exercise- how cool- i already have the homework done! i just raised the gorgeous imac up to a more eye friendly height, lit a candle and some incense. aside from a few bits of tidying up and wrapping long overdue projects (all slated for completion on the new and improved visit it daily schedule) this space is really where i want it to be.

it's an amazing room. it's cozy and womb like. the desk started across the room and just didn't work. now it is against the chalkboard wall and who knows why but it's just right. the fancy chair and buddha reminding me to focus despite the struggle and breathe damn it breathe! thanks again to my super specialest friend whose vision of yay-firmations of all kinds on the walls really make the difference: a 6' X 4' poster of me as a brutal adolescent and my degree from Mills College and my Ministry Credentials plus a certificate that reminds me of my mission...I WIN. i didn't know how much these elements were missing until they were strategically inserted.

furthermore, it must be said that SPACE is a crucial concept where all of this is concerned. if i know Dr. Maisel this will be addressed in a future chapter. i have tended to allow myself to be distracted by things out of my control and spin instead of getting down to the writing (see where i say i have a piss poor memory?) all kinds of writing that is the best tool for me to focus - i am reminded to channel my creative anxiety into my work- the words! rather than spinning out on intangibles and overdramatizing emotional episodes- i should be writing darlings! this does not mean that i do not feel- it means that i do not surf away on waves of emotion. give it a time and a PAGE and get to the writing work. consider it channeled. here i am in the chair, taking the space i need to read and write and move forward with valuing my self and pursuing my dream.

clearing and remembering.
like my dad always says-
it doesn't hurt forever.
the hardest part is showing up.
don't shit your pants.