Wednesday, January 20, 2010


I've been feeling lately like a couch with plastic covers. I am functional, in fact don't work or look so different except there is something nearly invisible that is keeping me from my fullest. there is a thin veneer that is unnecessarily protecting me from being, doing, enjoying, realizing, functioning at full capacity, in true glory.

begs the question, how do I get out of my own way? seems not to be a case of coming to some tough and low spot, but finally really being here now, arriving not at a destination but at the conclusion that now is fine, but here couldn't be further from where my heart wants/needs/ is dying to be.

fear of what already is- being on my own- (insert giant DDUUHH here) has kept me in a beautiful place with wonderful people and lots of great stuff on many levels. it's just not where my heart sings.

and just like the rest of my reality- the inside doesn't match the outside (unless you are one of the super few who actually know what to see) and the passport doesn't correspond with HOME.

I can't tell you I know where to go to make my true home. I can tell you that despite abundant love and blessings, my heart is quiet. there may be some humming, but there is no song.
the good news is, I am a writer and I have unwavering faith and an indelible spirit to carry me through- I am writing the song and I am sure that the love I crave will be there to applaud when the melody comes. and if that means it's Xoxa and I- that's fantastic, she is magic you know.

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