Tuesday, April 7, 2009

worn down- wanna get it up & get it on

days keep coming. i am happy about that. life itself though, with me at the wheel, has just been feeling so, well, i want to simplify and downsize and slow things down but it just keeps coming at me.
in watching my darling magic daughter Xoxai see how i am. i am a slow poke. i am intense and not so easy going. i am specifically the way i am for no good reason.
the fact is that i have been not only caring for a sick 4 year old since Xmas but i have been sick myself. it's a life period when I just cannot seem to get my mojo up. i am a driven, determined indominable person who will win. i'm just so bloody worn down, spread thin and pulled in opposing directions that i am finding it difficult to get it up and get it on. i like to pull not this keep on pushing. exhausted. constantly toxified. just not healthy. is something in my house making me sick?
i just want out. i just want to change things. i am craving a reinvention. the plans are in place but somehow i can't find the keys to start myself. am i not centered? are there too many things in waiting for my attention? how much of the global downer vibe is contributing? how to get back to myself, take care of business and own this life of mine. until the keys come out of hiding, i'm going to keep on pushing...

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