Things I Said... Things I'll Do

When Mama was still a new name for me, I planned (based on how awesome my nephew was as a 2nd grader) to take a year off and travel the world with my daughter. I would have the money saved, we would put lie as lived it day to day on ice and hit the road!



This wasn't an original idea for me, this plan to go east in order to land west. I had first laid the ground work for it in the months before I found myself pregnant...I'd had it all worked out: I would buy a Ducati Monster (I was really hot for the Uma Thurman in Kill Bill II look), haul ass across the lower 48 then grow wings with an around the world airfare from JFK. I would globe-trot across Europe, the Middle East and Asia before I landed in Sydney where I had visions riding off into the sunset as an expat adventurer. Oh no, no, no... Apparently the Fates had other plans...

For me, taking on the title of Mama included potentially rearranging my dreams, not abandoning them. So world travel would require additional funding to cover the cost of my traveling companion. The good news is that my Daredevil Daughter adores traveling and has a talent for it.  At 17 months old she was a champ when a code red terrorist alert cancelled our transatlantic flight, forcing me to strong arm (verbally, of course) an airline employee into rescheduling us on another airline flying into a Heathrow that was closed save for the tents and toilets accommodating thousands of stranded travelers. Still not 10 years old and she's weathered multiple long hauls, red eyes, rushed transfers and the self-righteous with the aplomb of one far older. Next month she will take her first flight as an unaccompanied minor. She was shining star when I gave her Street Cred 101 as we walked through Hell's Kitchen at dusk, so I am sure she won't have any problems.
The best news is that she is every but as awesome as my nephew when he was a kiddo. This eliminates the first obstacle to my double top not so secret plan for us to touch as many spots on the globe as possible. How much it really cost? How many places can we land and not have to spend on accommodation? How do we manage in undeveloped areas as a single mom with a girl?

What do you think? Where would you go? Where would you stay?

If You Can't Run In It, Don't Put It On Your Feet: Another Keep On Pushin' Story

”What I feel about that iconic status is it takes a lot longer to achieve if you keep your clothes on than off,” 54-year-old punk pioneer Exene Cervenka says. “I just worked hard and quietly did my art.”

 Thanks to my friend Eric Dinwiddie for posting the article on Exene Cervenka. I don't know how long it has been since I played any "X" and I never knew that she was born Christine and took on Exene- I can testify that she was and now that I am 'caught-up', continues to be a major influence.

Background: during the early 90's I missed most of the pop music and opted for anything that was never gonna make mainstream radio waves. At home we were pretty religious about our music and movies all opening with a scratch and a hiss (vinyl spinning) or a crank and a crackle (film projecting). Jim Nabors, Nancy Sinatra, the Butthole Surfers, The Young Gods, The Didgits and yes, X. Madonna, Prince and Michael Jackson had all abandoned the gifts that introduced us and were fully and obviously compensating for some long ago love lost- I've never been a fan of the LOOK AT ME! campaign, still can't stomach the pain driven pathos that leads folks to seek (spot)light.

I digress! The article on Exene hit home with me-- her art for art's sake, hard work and rocking to rally and really reach her fan base and move people meanwhile not that far away in her conscious intention she is pushing women and people to think think think- think about the clothes you're wearing and question- why do you want to look like a whore? why is this okay?

Why do we want the spotlight so badly? One of my favorite people in the whole wide world, someone I consider family had celebrity status imposed on her. She has enjoyed it, benefited by it and suffered for it, as have those closest to her. Regardless of the numbers or hungry fan-base, like Exene, she works hard and remains committed, refusing to compromise her art.

This resonates with me not only as an artist, a writer and a filmmaker, but I rely on my voice to make a living in marketing and publicity. The lines can get blurred and I must maintain a direct connection to my gut lest I fall prey to the irresistible glory of fame- success's ugly and infernal twin. Recently I dodged a bullet and my strategy of implanting in the belly of the film business beast was derailed- I was doing it for all the right reasons, but in the end my GUT and circumstance acted as an invisible electrified fence- scorching me before I could call Hollywood home. As a result I am regaining my ground, have FINALLY found love and feel like I am getting my sea legs with the writing. Right now I am working my ass off to "try not to resist to change...you're still becoming." (thanks Jan! You rock!)

To wrap it all up in a tidy package- I can't run if I'm trying to wear somebody else's shoes and you can't hear my stories if I'm speaking to some elusive spotlight. Like Exene's enthusiasm for touring from record store to record store and playing during the day where people bring their kids because they understand her value as an artist and a voice; where girls are excited because they can actually go to a show-- and HEAR her words. That's what moves people
to move the world in a different and better direction- and that's why I do what I do- all of it- the work and the art- to make sure the media and the message make it intact.

A Job. My Job.

There are so many different schools of creative thought. How do you do it? Where does it come from? Is it talent? Is it a gift? Is it about the audience or the work or the product or what?
I was given a gift today by a believer- I say believer because it's the belief that something exists that sparks the process that results in the creative product.

This gift was a TED talk by Elizabeth Gilbert. I am a fan of hers, and now you could call me a disciple. She preached a creative doctrine that did not just speak to me as a message, it summed up my essence in such a way that I felt understood and an understanding of myself that happens only when I am traversing a precipice, active and conscious of stepping from one evolutionary lily-pad to the next. It has happened before- and like Elizabeth Gilbert, one of these was with Tom Waits... but that's a different story...

so just like when my mentor and inspiration on legs Terry McMillan gave me Po Bronson's WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH MY LIFE? years ago, I watched this Ted talk and felt acknowledgment and reinforcement and understanding sitting side by side next to my muse. In their laps were all of the puzzle pieces for me to assemble the who, what, where, why and how and even the how much of my creative process. 

http://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius.html

It's no accident that a favorite show of mine- 6 FEET UNDER - Alan Ball of course, spoke to me in one of the final episodes where Claire was directed from beyond the grave to tune out the static and hear the message. Life happens, incessant  drama, rife with clutter and daily messes tugging and dictating and demanding we parcel our hearts and minds out to tackle every little thing to make our moments just so. It's part of my job to say no thank you. I have a date with my muse. I am committed to come correct and bring it, every time. You never know when the visit will be elevated by transcendent magic and effervescence or just something else, sometimes resulting in also terrible.  You don't get to know in advance. It makes sense in the rear view mirror. Like my dad always says- the hardest part is showing up.

Easily Distracted

Here at the SF Writer's Grotto. I'm sure I already said that in a few places but it's a great source of inspiration for me. One of my very most favoritest writers has an office AROUND THE CORNER and by that I mean in the same building- Po Bronson, whose book WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH MY LIFE changed everything for me. It was the fertilizer that helped me drop my figurative balls and decide that damn it, I am a writer.

So here I am trying to use this blog as a tool to harness my focus. I've got real problems people- as in be careful what you wish for types of issues. Yes, I have more to write than the sands in the hourglass and the words willing to evacuate my brain will accommodate. Kinda.

Stay tuned. Terry McMillan is about to launch within the week. Truth in Numbers is a happening thing. even good old Lamorinda Appliance Service, Inc. lives and breathes. There is the new media venture with promising promise MEDIA UNDER THE INFLUENCE... but most important is Smoke and Mirrors rounding the next bend and tada! it's a procedural! It's its own show- Entourage can piss up a rope as the misogynist narcissist gangs that dominate the airwaves get enough time- time to deconstruct and reconstruct our ideas about such trends...

i digress...it's great to be focusing on my own work, lassoing so to speak where i put my energy. enjoying the space i'm in and what i have here... not worrying what i don't and where i'm not and who isn't. with so many fab folks here, my heart is doing just fine. it will all make sense in the rear view mirror.

time keeps on slipping slipping into

the ether. i've got so many irons in the fire it's barely conceivable. here i am spending another afternoon at my favorite cafe FOUR CORNERS in Albany as writing at home (home, brought to you by the parents, more on that later) is not going to happen with so many people and all of their stuff and stuff they are doing overlapping. yes folks I have a web content development gig (terrymcmillan.com) going on, movie marketing (shecriesyoudie.com) writing a TV pilot (smokeandmirrorstv.com)for a table read Thursday and pitching in LA next week. There are also a couple of docs and 2 or 3 other screenplay ideas in some stage of development and a fabulous career changing barter going on with Ellen Sandler (sandlerink.com), plus the bookkeeping I do for my dad's business. 

Like a mother with too many children and little capacity or skill to communicate the need or type of help that might be helpful, I juggle them all watching my hopes for exercise, eating well and moments of solitude (love? leisure? laziness? somebody elses luxuries to be sure) slip away like an interrupted dream. 

A woman and her two kids just passed by the window decked in hipster fashion finery and equipment. It really made me miss my baby Xoxa. yeah I know she is a feisty and fabulous 5 years old, but that doesn't mean i don't wish we had more time just me and her, to chill and enjoy each other like we did when we had our own space. she loves her grandparents and we will be on our own soon enough. it won't be like this for very long (in fact this BROKE and UNDEREMPLOYED bullshit has been stale for more than a minute too long) in fact it's changing every minute. I really want the shoe on the other foot already. I want to enjoy my parents, not feel like crap-ola because despite my best efforts i need their help. 

It does help that i know i'm not alone. I count my blessings and make sure my daughter feels loved. then i work some more.