i do. i have so much to do. so much that i really want to do. so much that i wish i could check out in order to check in with myself- to figure out where to put what and why what is where and why i am allowing, insisting, enduring and surrendering to distraction. why i wait for the other foot to drop on my heart and walk all over my soul.
I have set it up over the years to allow for no room, no opportunity for slowing down, for reflection or for gathering and recharging in order to be able to move forward as the strong, activated and capable woman i demand.
it would seem i have set myself up for failure. but really it's mostly about the human and social distractions that i succumb to. the choices i make on a daily basis-- why don't i choose the high road and honestly move forward with the people and activities and energy who make positive contributions to my pursuits? i'm no sociopath. my involvement in anything mandates joy and love- how is it that i can hand myself over to time drains and psychic vampires? people places and things who don't contribute to my bottom line or at least to my heart and well being?
i get stuck in making things happen. things that are just too hard, therefore they obviously aren't working. but my dreams die hard so there goes the indelible spirit attached to the hopeless. i suppose it makes sense that i have pit bulls- not hard to see where i refuse to let go despite even the magic 8 ball prophesying failure. once it's burned a hole in my soul- the healing isn't so ready or steady.
must get to work on my stuff since a weekend at the spa just isn't an option!
10 months ago