Not like the hippie self-love-your-universe cult restaurant intends it, to be sure. What i'm all about today is not digging down to figure out what I want or need in order to assuage my heart and be able to move through the downtown of my soul with a smile oozing out from my face-- more like using my whole arm to scrape off the surface of a chaotic and crowded with work shit desk, like I would imagine Lou Grant did back in the day.
Today I was absolutely wrecked tired from too few hours of sleep, my body happy sore from hours of dancing my fool ass off with The Uptones and The English Beat (you'll read all about my Friday night in Skid Rosa later) but managed to tumble in to acupuncture and start the day healing myself.
Inspired by the movie WAITRESS (one of my new top faves) and a fridge overflowing with organic and tasty beyond belief veggies and eggs nearly hand plucked from some unassuming hen's vent, long story shorter-- if i didn't roll up a little inspiration all this amazing food would go bad, wasting money, time and God's bounty. Not gonna happen if I can help it. It's Saturday- I most certainly can help it. So I push it all aside and mozy on over to Berkeley Bowl and gather up all the extra goodness required for homemade egg and spinach pasta, prosciutto, tomato and chevre quiche and coconut milk pumpkin pie. Yup, the bitch is back.
I've had this thing going on- my body was taken over by a not so mysterious situation and due to the insidious nature of such things it took me close to 6 months to determine that it just was not cool and was going to require drastic measures to come correct. And correct it I have- that thing that makes my smile and my thing mine, it was misplaced and distorted- and not it's not. this brings me to this magical time in the kitchen.
here i am in my kitchen=- sometimes the girls are here with me- at any moment that can mean one or two dogs, one or two English twins or a little girl ranging in age from 4 1/2 to 23 months. that's the hen house folks. this is the family i have created, not counting the exclusive membership made up of folks who know who they are and are sorely missed when they are not around- scour the globe- you'll find them. but I don't want to be like so many of these songs blasting and bemoaning what could have been - this 70's and 80's ballads and bumpable boogie riffs that trained and probably train wrecked me on how love goes down. it's not about that's all you got, but i want and need and deserve all of this and i if don't have it exactly as my wishing and weeping heart desires, then i must be settling so go away because i am saving that parking spot for Prince Charming and his Valiant steed. It's the same message I go at the Princesses on Ice the other night- well I say POO POO!
I say Poo Poo because right now I am so damned happy. I have sooo much- I am at the fabulous intersection of my life where I have a bounty of experience and skill and wisdom that i get to bring with me to a time in my chronology that is more than accommodating to me starting from scratch and moving into the next volume to do and be and make even more.
I mean after all- what is it I have to say to these kids who crave cookies and cartoons every moment, you can't have that now. So maybe I should turn it on myself- the romance and luxury and intimacy and comfort and cash- you can't have that right now. I have it, and sometimes it's better than I could dream of and sometimes it's a total surprise. I have the best friends- my family- anybody could ask for. I have the freedom and support to go out and let my hair down or pull it all up and work my tail off to make it happen. And just when I think I can't take it anymore, I get super goodies and can breathe a sigh of relief-- then I have to let it go until next time. I don't know anybody else (except one of my roommates) who really has it all like I do. So the moral of the story is to not be so convinced by the power of music and myth, move through your day knowing that you have it all- just not right now and not all at the same time.
9 months ago