if i knew i was going to live this long...

i wouldn't do a damn thing differently. let's just get that out of the way. rather, i am thankful for so many things. the first thing i can think of is how lucky to grow up with the Beastie Boys (Paul Revere from Licensed to Ill is blasting right now), Run-DMC (you’re a 5 cent boy and I’m a million dollar man), LL Cool J (ROCK THE BELLS), Public Enemy (make the miracle, pump the lyrical...BRING THE NOISE) and so many other FANTABULOUS funky beat masters to make up the soundtrack of my youth- thank you Def Jam! but I digress...

Again I cannot deny the pressure and blessing of staring down the barrel of 40 years old. Oh hell yes I said it out loud, and proud with a big beat my friends- every rockin' luscious minute of it! This is the sweet spot kids- you're not afflicted with the bad attitude of your teens or the not-really-bullet-proof-am-i-but-i'm-gonna-act-like-it approach of your twenties, or I shouldn't-i-know-by-now learning curve of the thirties. It's here that I'm so not old yet, but i have infinite wisdom from all those mistakes i made- lots of them- few repeats- rather I went for the variety pack and made all different kinds! I don't think I have experienced a conventional day in my life. Nope, no white wedding, the only picket fence I've know was the one that was swung at me on the way home from school in 4th grade. True love, maybe? Love that was true in the moment, sure, a whole bunch of times! and happy to say i still love them all with perhaps two exceptions and even they keep a soft spot. i know how to forgive, maybe next lifetime i'll learn how to forget...

this time in my life is all about running the last lap of my youth and not missing a milestone- treating my body like a temple instead of a ride to the next adventure. i have been doing yoga off and on since i was 17, now i am training myself to do the slackline in Yosemite and the trapeze. just today after an inexcusable fitness hiatus i was able to do crow pose (balancing on the backs of my arms) and i walked half way across the slackline. even earned a little scrape on my ankle- that's the progress i love. to top it off i am working as a writer. my daughter is healthy and my family- though it's a sort of Partridge Family for the millenium- 3 single moms each with a daughter and a full fabulous life- we are here for each other in ways that i think only true and dreamy family can be.

my way is likely not the way for very many, if any. but tell me nay-sayers, you who might judge me (get in line! on the dark days nobody could judge and begrudge me more than me!) for raising a girl without a dad, for not settling for some mediocre idea of what long term grown up love should be, or anybody who subscribes to the teensy tiny life of shoulds and should nots- how could i do this better? I am teaching my daughter and the world around me by being and doing.

Wild and imperfect, with no shame about living an enormous and effervescent life. And I fully intend to keep doing so, every single day I am able.