Saturday, February 27, 2010

My Next Husband

If there were a little more silence, if we all kept quiet...maybe we could understand something."
-Federico Fellini

Bennett Miller Hosts A Private Screening Of "Lars And The Real Girl"

My crush on Ryan Gosling just went the next step. He has an elegant courage, a special kind of bravery in his approach, in his getting naked, in his breathing- the fact that he gets naked in all kinds of ways- well, it's really what i think it's all about. it's really all i require. no more no less.

It's also my favorite kind of movie where all of the damage is exposed, we all know it's there but instead of getting a rash about it everybody gets together and lets it come out.

I have only ever dreamed about a place where you could let it go so far that nobody was so sad or sick or damaged or unsure that that the couldn't or wouldn't help you get to the other side. In my experience there is enough superb love that you keep trying, but so often the rub is uncomfortable enough that it sends you packing back to the hinge in your shell to recuperate until either you forgot because the burn had healed or staying lost its freshness.

I figure if I got to do much more than taste that place, I might not get anything done. The creative and driven patches in my skin might not itch anymore. I have always suspected that the gaze of the truest lasting love with be so hypnotic - so fabulous and overwhelming that i would surrender, i would drink the punch (scratcch that- even if i smile and take a deep fantastic breath- i still see me pouring the punch. Devil is in the details). and right now I have way too much to do to be pouring punch! In fact I'm gonna go to sleep because my little 5 year old dream boat and I have a stormy day inside watching movies and writing planned for tomorrow. I think it will have french toast and fish fingers too. yay.  

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